As Autumn settles her nurturing cloak around us, wrapping us in her warm, hazy afternoons, she reminds us to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness. Be conscious that this is the season to be gentle, and wrap yourself with TLC. If you are someone who is constantly there for everyone else, now is the time to that caring inwards and say ‘no’ to others when it undermines your own wellbeing. It is only by first caring for your own needs that you can adequately care for those around you. Although we all know that self care is important it can be difficult to know how to start to change bad habits. However, it is a vital step on the pathway to Soul Empowered Wellness.
If you wish to grow in consciousness and walk a path of integrity and authentic power one of the most fundamental steps is to attend to your self-care. It all begins with self-love, the simple act of honouring yourself with kindness and respect. Self love has nothing to do with being selfish. It is about attending to your needs not about putting yourself before others. It requires you to tune into your body, your emotions, your mind and your soul and attend to what it is you really need and desire.
Silence Your Inner Critic
In order to care for ourselves we must first recognise and banish the inner critic. That inner judge, ‘mean girl’, ‘critic’, ‘saboteur’ or whatever you call it, serves us at certain times in our life. But at others it undermines our dreams and can keep us locked down in limiting thoughts and behaviours. This is voice in your head that always casts doubt on your inspiration, your actions or even just YOU.
There are times in our life we really need that inner voice. It is the voice of caution that pops up to keep us safe. But it is also the voice that keeps us small, limited, and unfulfilled. And in the interests of empowerment, it is at these times that you need to reclaim the control to direct your own life. When you fail to do this your inner voice will keep you restricted with old stories and belief systems that don’t support your personal growth and empowerment.
The second part to the process is to attend to your needs. A lot of people think this is about pampering but it is really much more. While pampering can be a part of self-care it’s not the crux. At its centre self care is about tuning in to your body, emotions, mind and spirit and addressing what it is you need on all these levels.
It can be hard to know how to begin the process of self care. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.
Spiritual Adventurer’s Guide To Self Care
1. Shut Down Your Inner Mean Voice
I began the process of self-care by dealing with the voice of my ‘Inner Committee’. (I called them that because it felt like a whole group who ganged up together and left me feeling powerless) The very first step was to notice whenever it showed up to criticise my decisions or plans and nip-it-the-bud. In fact, I would curse at it as I reminded it that I was the boss on our life journey, that it was welcome to come along for the ride, but I was in charge. Suprisingly, it didn’t take long to shut it down fast and stop the limiting criticism. This was incredibly liberating.
Start by noticing when it speaks up and takes over, crushing your confidence and straight away silence it with a simple ‘no’ or ‘stop’.
2. Accept The Whole You
Accepting who you are in your entirety can be challenging but is vital to you becoming whole. This means loving yourself exactly as you are, flaws and all. It means accepting your negative thoughts and the aspects of yourself that you’d rather others never knew existed. And it’s about recognising that the aspects of yourself which you may consider negative are often the very ones that are related to caring for your deepest needs.
Many people walking the spiritual path have been sabotaged and entrapped by certain New Age ideas. These teach that we must always be positive and vibrate high. But natural laws dictate that nothing can exist in such polarity. Everything must be balanced by its opposite – hot with cold, light with dark, masculine with feminine, spirit with matter, positive with negative.
And so it is with all things in the natural world, including our own personal light and shadow. When we try to vibrate high we become unbalanced and unwell. Often it’s your shadow aspects that are the very things that protect you and address your needs.
It’s not about trying to change yourself and become better, but about acknowledging, accepting and integrating all parts of yourself. This is how you become whole.
3. Acknowledge Your Individuality
You are you! Comparing yourself with others – your family, friends, celebrities, anyone – keeps you small. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself and your life with others. Scrolling social media can leave you feeling worthless when you play the comparison game.
Every person has their own journey in life. Each is unique. Every journey and every life story is special, individual and valuable. When you forget this and begin to compare yourself to others you immediately sabotage your self care. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone. Own your individuality and unique qualities.
4. Own Your Space
Very simply, you are worthy. You deserve to be here and you deserve your share of the amazing abundance of this universe. You deserve to take up and own your space in this world and to enjoy the gifts it offers. It is not your role to belittle yourself, to hold yourself back or to deny yourself.
Remind yourself you don’t need permission to claim what your heart desires, because this is your right. Claiming it shows yourself love and respect and encourages others to also show you love and respect.
5. Perfect Ain’t Possible
Sometimes we forget that perfection is an unattainable goal. We push and push ourselves, never taking credit for our personal qualities and achievements. We are constantly in judgement of ourselves. And we continue open the door for the inner critic to take control once again and criticise what we do, and who we are.
“When perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun
and fear is that annoying backseat driver.” ~ Brene Brown
Self care is a crucial factor in your quest for Soul Empowered Wellness. As long as you continue to make yourself less than you are, and less than you deserve, you can never find the harmony and balance of Wholeness, in body, emotions, mind and soul.
To journey deeper into this work take the Self Nurturing Self Compassion Challenge.