By Jane Offer
Having coffee recently with a close friend, she told me a story from her past of which I had no idea. She told me a sad and sorry tale concerning her relationship with an ex-partner. She had found out a massive series of lies that he had told, which had quickly unravelled, revealing that her whole life with him had been based in deception. In fact, it was so bad he could have ended up in jail. He had created a life based in lies and denial, which had got out of control and built to something akin to the Leaning Tower of Pisa – only his construction had nothing to support it and it had fallen spectacularly.
Knowing something of her family background, I asked how they had taken it. Naturally they were furious but, surprisingly, much of their anger was directed at her. When I asked why they would react in that way, she explained that after the initial shock and pain, the only feeling she held was gratitude to him and they were not pleased with her reaction. ‘I was devastated initially to think that I had shared my life with him for so long and it was all based in a tissue of lies. Quickly I realised that during our time together, and as a result of the outcome, I had learned an enormous amount about myself and how I face life. He had taught me all of that, so how could I not be grateful? After all, that is my Cost of Living!’
After I left her, I thought about her words and saw that indeed our experiences are the Cost of Living. I reflected on some of the most painful experiences of my own life and now, viewing life in reverse, I can see the amazing and happy results of those challenging times – I’m living it! At the time though, trying to look forward, it was confusing and scary to say the least; I couldn’t even begin to guess what my life would look like. I came out of it wiser and happier than I had been, with a whole new horizon to enjoy. So, my Cost of Living was traversing that dark place to move towards the sunshine.
Was I scared? Oh, believe me I was. Was I angry? At first the fear overtook me and I was furious. Did the process become easier day by day? Without a doubt. Do I regret it? Not for a moment. Was it an amazing gift? It was, and has continued to be, from that very first day.
Without challenges in our life how would we learn what resourceful and courageous people we truly are? We would never know the boundless inner strength we can access when faced with painful situations or how amazingly we pull through when life seems to throw us the curved ball. Anyone around us, who gives us a hard time, really does help us to discover our true self; our compassion, our values and our boundaries. We could even choose to consider them a gift in our life!
So, when difficulties come along and we feel upset, angry, hurt, fearful or alone, let us take time to reflect on what is our personal Cost of Living. When we look past the pain, we can always discover the gold in every situation. Treating the situation from a point of compassion towards ourselves and those involved, helps us realise that the wisdom gained is what will carry us through to a brighter and free future.
We are encouraged to forgive but it is also about understanding that all people do what they do from their own place in life. No-one is out to get us; they are merely working from the limits of their understanding. We are here both as teachers to each other and pupils of life. We each have the same opportunity to assess our experiences and choose to do it differently or rollout the same patterns that we have been taught from the beginning of our life. It is simply matter of choice when we have the understanding of how it works.
We can each look at someone displaying anger or jealousy or behaving in the many possible human permutations and, thanks to their example, we can see exactly what it looks like. We can ask ourselves, “Is that attractive or ugly, harmful or uplifting and decide – “Is that how I want my life to be?” If the answer is yes, then we can follow their example and if the opposite is true, then we can leave it with them; we do not need to make it ours.
That is the true Cost of Living.
Jane Offer
Jane is a Soul Mastery Facilitator, Counsellor, Meditation Facilitator and Psychneuroimmunology Practitioner. Jane is passionate about the empowerment of the individual. She has worked with the holistic approach to life for 50 years, starting in the UK as a teacher and counsellor.
She is the owner at The Purple Dragonfly, and Director of The Oak Tree Organisation Australia, a not for profit training organization where she creates and delivers accredited courses in Personal Growth, Natural Health and Healing, Metaphysics, Spiritual Approach to Empowered Living and Career Related programs.